Today marks one week since I laid my mom’s body to rest and 4 weeks since my mother’s spirit has gone to her eternal resting place.
Today was the first day that I flashbacks to moms last minutes.
My mom was given a turkey sandwich. She would chew it and then spit it out. The nurse had just told her she needs to eat to get stronger to go home. When I noticed she was struggling so bad with the sandwich I gave her her shake. She then told me she was in pain and asked to be moved. They moved her and she became unresponsive. I asked the nurse to see if mom would wake up for her. She did not. So she got the pressure machine and her O2 was at 60 and they called the ambulance. Under the guidelines she was in extreme respiratory distress and was a full code.
They brought the crash cart into her. When I went in her room she would start moaning. My dad’s dad did the same thing with him. They asked me to leave the room.
They moved her to the stretcher for the ambulance. They said they are just assisting her breathing right now. As they rolled her out of the room. I kisses her forehead and told her I loved her.
She coded in the ambulance.
Anthony tells me all the time that she was not alone when she past.
We both got what we wanted. She did not want me to have to take her off of life support. And I did not want to be there for her last moments as she took her last breathe.
Today, all I can see in my mind is her head on the strecher wrapped in the blanket. Her face was turning blue and growing cold.
When I got to the hospital after a family member called me an Uber from the nursing home which was 5 mins away from the hospital. Felt like the longest 5 mins of my life.
The security guards met me outside. They knew who I was. Then the nurses administration who knew me, came and greeted me. She gave me a bag for moms and my bears. They brought me to the family room in the ER. Where the Dr told me that they tried resisting her for 45 mins. I got to so be with moms body for 2 hours.
I pet her head. Telling her I will start a gift shop business in her honor. She was the best gift giver. Then I told her “hey queen, it’s time to walk the streets of gold. I will love and miss you” I knew in that moment I released her spirit.
She past at my birthday o’clock at around 731 and the presit was there to bless her body and ask for the Lord to receive her at her birthday o’clock. 1012.
For a good week all I kept getting flash backs of was the tied glove on the end of her breathing tube. That knot – haunts me. It’s not the breathing tube it’s self. Or even the blood that I saw in the suction or even in the breathing tube. It is that knot on that glove.
Today, it was her blue face. And her cold forehead. And I can’t help but feel like those groans she was Tring to tell me she loved me.
