Today, Mom’s childhood friend came out to pay for Mom’s gravestone. I am blown away by her generosity and her heart. How because she loved my mother so much, she wanted to help what was important and what my mother treasured – which was me.
First and foremost, here we go again – I did not realize until today, that today was the 9th of the 9th month. The perfect square of three. Mommy and the number three.
I was originally suppose to with her at her sister’s house. But that did not pan out. So I ended up having to drive myself to the place to pick out the grave stone and the cemetery.
So I picked out the stone. ITs called Mountain Rose from Canada. It is a simple tablet. With roughed edges as when the landscapers come, if the knock into it, you wont notice it as much. I will put her full name on the stone. I was going to put the full dates, but I am leaning towards just the years. It was her wish to make it to 60. She missed it by a couple of months. So according to her grave stone she will. With that, it means we can then use a rose as a dash instead. Inspired by the poem called the dash, what does that dash represent. Putting a rose there inspired by my name, would symbolize that I am what happened to her during that dash. The more and more I sit with that, the more and more I like the idea. I need to come up with a sentiment or Epitaphs. A thought was a snip bit from the foot prints in the sand with an etch of a foot print, another idea is the queen walks the streets of gold, or labor hard – rest well.
Mommy really did pick the perfect cemetery. She is behind a seafood restaurant. She abalutely loved seafood. And in the back of the cemetery is where wild blueberries grow. Mommy always bought me a cartain of blueberries every time she saw them.
After walking around the cemetery with Lynn, I want to get a vase and put fake flowers in it. I am thinking three roses. Just like the ones I put on her coffin the day of her funeral. One Blue, one Purple and one Yellow.
After we picked out the grave stone, we went and grabbed flowers for my mom and her parents. I asked for three roses. She ended up getting a dozen roses and breaking them up into 6 and 6. SO I gave mom 6 roses and she gave her parents.
We then went to the bagel place. I got a pumpernickel bagel with butter and a bottle of water. We talked for a while. She said to me my problems seem like nothing compared to yours. I said, please don’t compare. You have a story and I have a story.
We then went to the cemetery. I knew where mom was. Like it was a no brainer. Also got me thinking, when you know someone so intimately, you simply just know where their body is laid. I was reminded of the scripture where God told Cain that he could hear his brothers blood cry out from the ground. I just knew where she was. And there is no marker for her, like the funeral home had promised.
When I got to Mom’s grave sight, not only did I instantly know it was hers, but I also instantly knelled down to the ground, like I wanted to get as close as I could to her. While I was on the ground kneeling at Mom’s feet, I saw a red ant walk up pretty close to me. It was Red and black and fuzzy. So I looked it up, it is technically a wasp, that the female which is what it looked like I say, is the one with the sting ray. It is called cow killer ant. All I keep asking is why did I see that there…
I explained to her how when I thought of my mother’s legacy, I was the one that wanted a business, where mom wanted to go to Disney. I am the kind of person that when I do something, I do it right or not at all. I was planning a week vacation, when all she wanted was breakfast with Mickey and to see the firework show. She would have been good with 24 hours there.
I also explained how I want to start many businesses. One is a wellness clinic where I have services for the body mind and spirit. She said I will need a lot of capital for that. I said I wanted to start a gift shop in mom’s honor as she was the ultimate best gift giver. I want to continue that legacy. So I want to open a gift shop one day. I then told her, the amidite business I want to open is a promotional business where I sell like pens and bracelets. Right now I am doing a cleaning business to get money in the door and my goal is to pay for mom’s car. So I can keep mom’s car.
She said to me she can tell that I believe what I say and do. That what I did for mom was absolutely amazing. The eulogy video and the singing. This to me speaks to my calling to be a pastor, a speaker and a singer. I just don’t know how to go about that and what to do. If someone who does not believe can see my calling.
She asked what it meant to be messianic. She did not understand how if there was a God how could he do this to us and let death happen. She talked about how she believes in reincarnation.
What I wanted to tell her, is death is because He loves us. He created us for eternity, that why we experience grief. We are simply passing through planet earth. When we are done here, we go to our eternal place – heaven or hell.
What I also wanted to tell her, which I brushed on, is that we are all created in God’s image. God is both male and female. He is both creative and technical. We are all made in His image, a fraction of His image. So when we think we are experiencing our loved ones spirit, we are really experiencing Him.
Right now I am reminded of Dani and a little bitt of Summer. I don’t have an interest in being an event and making it about the show.
I also mentioned the idea that I am considering going into event planning, as that is what mommy wanted to do, ties in with my love of story telling and branding things, selling promotional material, and uses the skills of project management.
Before Lynn left, I could hear the mothers heart through her. Even what my mother would say. She told me life with Anthony is difficult. That I am young enough to find someone else. That she wants to see me get a job and have the stable income with medical benefits.
