Today I woke up late, I got a restless night’s sleep.
Anthony mis-read his job interview email and thought he had a job interview today in a matter of 2 hours. We hear from the other one tomorrow and he has another job interview. The one he told mommy he had gotten.
I attempted to help him with a custom web design layout, but was not able to do it how he wanted it done. I feel really horrible about that. He said not to worry about it. But definitely beating myself up about it.
I created a Gmail, Instagram, Facebook page, threads and Pinterest for the rose adventure. I was also able to get analytics working.
I then went to counseling where we discussed how I want to start a promotional business with the message of we help you with your gifts. It is the least amount of over head and a business I can do remote very easily. I can also use this a branch off point to other business ideas. It also gets me at the table with other business men and women. I am also keeping my word to mommy in starting a business with gift giving as the mission. It may not have been the way I would start it, I would prefer a store front like the flea market. IT has also been one of my dreams for the longest time to start the promotional business. For this season it seems to check all the boxes. I just need to be ok around people.
I also expressed how much I am beating myself up for not working. She reiterated what Anthony told me, that if I got back on the settle right away she would think something was wrong with me. She said I need to give myself time to grieve. I said I really don’t have time and I will be luckey if I have 3 months.
We also talked about the idea if I take care of mom’s stuff now, then put the furniture only in storage. This will also help with zip box. Just put the furniture in storage. It will give me time to process in what I want to keep and what I want to get rid of.
She also reiterated to me, that when I go from 0 to a 100 its because I was triggered. I always do it for a reason. Something my dad always used to tell me.
I also expressed that I am going to need help cleaning up the apartment. I will need a second set of hands to help me. I said not to do it for me, but to simply help.
I also expressed how mom was my assignment for as long as I could remember. Now that she is gone, I feel like a lost puppy in that I don’t know what to do.
Everyone seems to be proud that I am making progress. I am saddened I am not given the time to actually grieve mom.
